Today I am so sad. I don’t want to put any date for today. I
am not sure if I will write something again. I am not sure if I will read this
diary again. I am lost...
I don’t know why I am going into these flashbacks again and
again, why again into those starting days of my career. I was so fascinated about everything;
airports, pilots, watching whole city from the top and the sophisticated business
class people. That day when I took snap with Leonardo DiCaprio, somehow I was
controlling my excitement. And it went on with so many celebrities from around
the globe. I was the luckiest girl according to my friends. Every day I was
meeting high class business executives. My friends were feeling jealous of me
when I started dating the young dynamic trader from London. And the string of jealousy
continued for another 6 years. Then suddenly one day I decided to switch from
long hectic flights. That time I was not clear where I would go and suddenly I
picked Paris to Nice flight just to give myself excuse that every day I would
see beautiful Alps.
My excuse gave me a reason to smile when I got some smiles
in return of my plastic smile. Most of those were from kids who smile all the
time and from the old ones who were generous. But there was one odd smile from
someone who certainly belonged to business class. It was very rare to find that
kind of people without goggles. There was some mystery in his smile, that’s why
I found it odd on the first time. Then I met the same smile on the next day and
somewhere I was happy when I found that smile on the next week as well. Most of
the people of his class return back plastic smile but his smile was giving me a
reason to smile deep inside. Once I thought of asking Carla about the guy but,
then I decided not to. I was asking myself why I am behaving again like that
shy school girl, where is the smart air hostess who dated so many business class
guys in past.
Around after 1 month,
I was standing in front of him while he was reading ‘Sherlock
Holmes’. “Sir I know our coffee is not better than your book, but still you
would like to have”, I said. “Oh please don’t give me so respect, I need to
write 1 book like this to get the respected title, you can call me Brendan”, he
said with smile. “Sugar sir?” I said. “Please no sir, yes extra sugar”, Brendan
said. “How is the book sir, err... Brendan, you found it interesting”, I said.
“Yes, it’s interesting of course from a Sir and your coffee is also good”,
Brendan said. The announcement inside plane was telling me that there are other
people as well who need coffee. I was so happy after a while. I came back from
work, searched my diary and wrote down my random thoughts. What was happening
to me, Brendan’s blue eyes were in front of me all the time. Every day I used
to stand in front of mirror just to see my smile. I wanted to say the whole world
“see, I do smile as well, it’s not plastic smile. I don’t care, if you don’t
know; Brendan knows this.”
That day I collected
all my courage and asked him for coffee. Next day we had coffee and my diary was
filled up with poetic thoughts. I used
to read those pages again and again. I was curiously waiting for the next
coffee. We had the next coffee in beautiful Nice. That fine blue color of sea
was looking so damp in front of Brendan’s eyes. I wanted to stop the time just
to lose inside those deep blue eyes. We walked through the pedestrian beside
the sea line. Some movie kind of thing was happening with me and it was only
the sound from sea coming into my ears. I was just watching his lip moments and
lost deep inside his blue eyes. We continued to roam around and started to talk more openly with each other. We talked about love, life, religion, art and so many other things. We had dinner and after dinner decided to go somewhere else for coffee. Suddenly his cell phone started ringing.
Brendan got an urgent call and our date was coming to end. But the good thing
was, we shared our phone numbers. We did not set the next date, I thought next
time I would give a surprise call to Brendan. My diary again filled
with my random poetic thoughts. Somewhere inside I was thinking if it’s real or
some kind of dream. Next week I prepared some cookies and gave 1 box of cookies
to him. Next day I got my box filled with Belgium’s fine chocolates. Now I was
waiting for the perfect day. Eiffel was calling me to lock my love with
Brendan. I was remembering my first visit to Eiffel. It was my first day in
Paris, I went alone to Eiffel. I took so many snaps of city from Eiffel. I saw 2 locks tied to the net wall of Eiffel and decided that one day I would lock
my love with someone. Brendan was giving me reason to visit Eiffel again.
Last Monday I was waiting curiously to see the blue eyed guy,
but he didn’t come. I thought of calling him if everything is fine, but did not
call. Every day was same in the week, every day I thought of calling him but
did not. Finally I went to Nice and called him. His phone was switched off. I
tried again and again but every time got the switched off reply from other
side. I messaged him, in hope to get reply in message. I was losing my control;
I called again, messaged again but no reply. Next day I got so many message
delivery failed messages in my phone, I again forwarded those messages. I have
sent many messages but did not receive delivery failed message for all. What
happened to other messages, have they reached?
It’s Sunday, no its Monday now, its 1:25 AM. I really don’t
want to remember this day. No, I really don’t want to remember this whole week. No, I don’t want to
remember anything. So many thoughts are coming into my mind, but...
Amelie is lost; don’t know if she will write this diary
again...
