from the diary of an air hostess...

Today I am so sad. I don’t want to put any date for today. I am not sure if I will write something again. I am not sure if I will read this diary again. I am lost...

I don’t know why I am going into these flashbacks again and again, why again into those  starting days of my career. I was so fascinated about everything; airports, pilots, watching whole city from the top and the sophisticated business class people. That day when I took snap with Leonardo DiCaprio, somehow I was controlling my excitement. And it went on with so many celebrities from around the globe. I was the luckiest girl according to my friends. Every day I was meeting high class business executives. My friends were feeling jealous of me when I started dating the young dynamic trader from London. And the string of jealousy continued for another 6 years. Then suddenly one day I decided to switch from long hectic flights. That time I was not clear where I would go and suddenly I picked Paris to Nice flight just to give myself excuse that every day I would see beautiful Alps.

My excuse gave me a reason to smile when I got some smiles in return of my plastic smile. Most of those were from kids who smile all the time and from the old ones who were generous. But there was one odd smile from someone who certainly belonged to business class. It was very rare to find that kind of people without goggles. There was some mystery in his smile, that’s why I found it odd on the first time. Then I met the same smile on the next day and somewhere I was happy when I found that smile on the next week as well. Most of the people of his class return back plastic smile but his smile was giving me a reason to smile deep inside. Once I thought of asking Carla about the guy but, then I decided not to. I was asking myself why I am behaving again like that shy school girl, where is the smart air hostess who dated so many business class guys in past.

Around after 1 month, I was standing in front of him while he was reading ‘Sherlock Holmes’. “Sir I know our coffee is not better than your book, but still you would like to have”, I said. “Oh please don’t give me so respect, I need to write 1 book like this to get the respected title, you can call me Brendan”, he said with smile. “Sugar sir?” I said. “Please no sir, yes extra sugar”, Brendan said. “How is the book sir, err... Brendan, you found it interesting”, I said. “Yes, it’s interesting of course from a Sir and your coffee is also good”, Brendan said. The announcement inside plane was telling me that there are other people as well who need coffee. I was so happy after a while. I came back from work, searched my diary and wrote down my random thoughts. What was happening to me, Brendan’s blue eyes were in front of me all the time. Every day I used to stand in front of mirror just to see my smile. I wanted to say the whole world “see, I do smile as well, it’s not plastic smile. I don’t care, if you don’t know; Brendan knows this.” 

 

That day I collected all my courage and asked him for coffee. Next day we had coffee and my diary was filled up with poetic thoughts.  I used to read those pages again and again. I was curiously waiting for the next coffee. We had the next coffee in beautiful Nice. That fine blue color of sea was looking so damp in front of Brendan’s eyes. I wanted to stop the time just to lose inside those deep blue eyes. We walked through the pedestrian beside the sea line. Some movie kind of thing was happening with me and it was only the sound from sea coming into my ears. I was just watching his lip moments and lost deep inside his blue eyes. We continued to roam around and started to talk more openly with each other. We talked about love, life, religion, art and so many other things. We had dinner and after dinner decided to go somewhere else for coffee. Suddenly his cell phone started ringing. Brendan got an urgent call and our date was coming to end. But the good thing was, we shared our phone numbers. We did not set the next date, I thought next time I would give a surprise call to Brendan. My diary again filled with my random poetic thoughts. Somewhere inside I was thinking if it’s real or some kind of dream. Next week I prepared some cookies and gave 1 box of cookies to him. Next day I got my box filled with Belgium’s fine chocolates. Now I was waiting for the perfect day. Eiffel was calling me to lock my love with Brendan. I was remembering my first visit to Eiffel. It was my first day in Paris, I went alone to Eiffel. I took so many snaps of city from Eiffel. I saw  2 locks tied to the net wall of Eiffel and decided that one day I would lock my love with someone. Brendan was giving me reason to visit Eiffel again.

Last Monday I was waiting curiously to see the blue eyed guy, but he didn’t come. I thought of calling him if everything is fine, but did not call. Every day was same in the week, every day I thought of calling him but did not. Finally I went to Nice and called him. His phone was switched off. I tried again and again but every time got the switched off reply from other side. I messaged him, in hope to get reply in message. I was losing my control; I called again, messaged again but no reply. Next day I got so many message delivery failed messages in my phone, I again forwarded those messages. I have sent many messages but did not receive delivery failed message for all. What happened to other messages, have they reached? 

It’s Sunday, no its Monday now, its 1:25 AM. I really don’t want to remember this day. No, I really don’t want to remember this whole week. No, I don’t want to remember anything. So many thoughts are coming into my mind, but...

Amelie is lost; don’t know if she will write this diary again...

I have learned...

After reading Paulo’s blog http://paulocoelhoblog.com/2014/01/27/traveling-in-cyberspace-i-have-learned/ , thought of writing something which I have learned. I found first line too impressive, so I copied it here... 
 

I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved.

I’ve learned that you cannot decide when to fall in love. Love will take its own time to rise.

I’ve learned that love is binary in nature, either yes or no. True love is just a dictionary thing.
I’ve learned that no matter how logical you are, sometimes you just have to follow your heart to enjoy the mystery. 

I've learned that truth is very simple in nature, people just manipulate to make it fancy and complex. 

I’ve learned that sometimes you shout when you care too much, some people don't see your care. They will learn this care with time. 
I’ve learned that you cannot be good all the times, sometimes you have to be bad for someone’s good.
I’ve learned that there is no perfect day in calendar, it’s just a matter of number. Sometimes you’ve to make your day perfect by picking one moment. 
I’ve learned that no matter how many laughs you share with someone, sometimes only one simple smile is enough for strong bond.
I’ve learned that no matter how well socially connect you are, there will be very few whom you can count on your finger tips and you call them friends. 
I’ve learned that no matter how good you act to be tough, your emotions will flow without your control.
I've learned that emotions are very precious gifts; share with them, who know the the worth of these gifts.
I’ve learned that no matter how much stories you know from others. Sometimes you have to experience to write one...

कोशिश करूँगा तुम्हे भुलाने की...

बोला था, कोशिश करूँगा तुम्हे भुलाने की...
समझ नहीं आता,
खुद को कैसे भुला दूँ...

गाना था तुम्हारा फेवरट वाला...

गाना था तुम्हारा फेवरट वाला,

हाथ रुक गया रिमोट पे...

कुछ कहा होगा तुमने लाइट से भी,

चली गयी गाने संग

याद तुम्हारी ज्यादा आने नहीं देती...

यादों को बक्से में बंद कर...

कुछ यादों को बक्से में बंद कर चाभी भुला दी है

सोचता हूँ एक ताला दिमाग पे भी लगा दूँ

बुरी आदत है इसे हर बात याद रखने की...

The sorrrry girl...

‘Hi can I speak to Ana,’ I said in a rush. ‘Sorry, I didn’t get you, can you say it again,’ said the lady on the other side of phone. ‘Ana,’ I said. ‘Can you spell it again, I am still not getting it properly,’ said the lady. ‘Ana...its Ana, can you please inform her we are waiting for her in a conference...its more than 30 minutes,’ I said with all my patience which I can afford at that time. ‘Ok...let me check...what did you say Ana, sorry there is no Ana here,’ said the lady. ‘it’s Ana Hernandez and I can see this number is her contact number as per my records, ‘ I said. ‘Ohh you are looking for Ana, just a second I will connect to Ana,’ said the lady. So it was my pronunciation which caused this confusion, I took a breath of relief that finally our conference will start. ‘Sorry, Ana is out for snacks, I will inform her once she will be back,’ said the lady.

‘Hey Ben sorry, I will have a coffee...let see when we will resume,’ I said. ‘That’s fine, I will also have something,’ Ben said.

After 20 minutes I got a call,’Hey its Ana here, I am waiting for you guys...Can you please make it fast’...Hey Ana, Just give me a minute I will inform my colleague.

Hello Ana...here Benjamin with us...hello you can call me Ben...Ok... so we will resume with conference now. 

Our conference finally started and we started our analysis. In the mean while I heard someone is humming music and definitely it’s Ana and after some minutes she started laughing. I was wondering what kind of girl she is. She even didn’t bother to put her phone on mute and after some times she started sharing jokes, her side was full of laughs. ‘Ana, are you there’? I said. ‘Yes, I am here...sorrrry for the disturbance...my colleague was here, now he has left, we can continue now,’ said Ana. I thought for a moment to tell her at least give some respect to Ben, he is a senior guy...giving his valuable time and you are cracking jokes and giving excuses with sorrrry, but somewhere someone inside me was telling me not to stop her by doing this. 

After around 1 hour...

‘Hey Ana, would you mind if I will go for lunch break,’ Ben said. It was just a formal request from Ben, even he didn’t need to ask Ana for break. But the reply came to surprise me from Ana, ‘No...how can you go for lunch, I am here...I didn't even have proper snacks just for this conference and now you are going for lunch.’ Oh my god, what Ana did just now, I was waiting for Ben’s reaction. ‘Ana what do you think,  am I a machine...are you really taking this conference seriously...we had been waiting for you more than an hour and now I can’t even go for lunch break ,’ Ben said finally. ‘Sorrrry Ben,’ Ana said. This sorrrry from Ana was giving me a reason for smile. I was wondering whether Spanish accent has this free rolling sound of ‘r’ or Ana is having some Italian or Russian roots. ‘Hey Ana, it’s lunch time for Ben, I will be here... hey Ben have proper break mate, don’t worry I will continue,’ I said. ‘Ok,’ Ana said. ‘Ana...I will get a coffee, just give me a minute,’ I said. ‘Ok,’ Ana said. It was funny to here only a word ‘Ok’ from Ana, she didn’t have other choice. 

I resumed with conference and in less than 10 minutes I came to know, Ana did some changes randomly which caused the system failure. Now surprise came up with anger and I took a pause, this girl comes to office just to have snacks and sharing jokes. And the usual reaction from Ana,’Sorrrry’. Her sorrrry was giving me giggles. ’Ok Ana, I will inform Ben and we will draft our analysis...we can end up this call now,’ I said. ‘Sorrrry,’ Ana said. 

Cheers...cheers...bye... 

I really did not want to end up that conference, I wanted to be there to pin point at her every mistakes just to hear that ‘sorrrry’ which is still giving me giggles. 

P.S. Around 1 year back.